


The (Actual) Happiest Season

by holtzbabe



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: A Holtzbert Happiest Season fix-it, And verging on crack at parts, But spoiler everyone comes around in the end, F/F, Still with some parental conflict because Erin's parents are canonically terrible, That is actually happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:47:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28081155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbabe/pseuds/holtzbabe
Summary: Holtz's plans to propose to Erin are postponed when she invites herself to spend Christmas with the Gilbert family...who don't know that they're dating.AKA Yes I took the premise of Happiest Season, gave it to Holtzbert, threw out the plot, and rewrote it how I wanted the plot to actually go. Now with 110% more happy, 70% less angst and trauma, 500% less closet-shaming, and 85% more humour. Featuring Aubrey Plaza as herself.
Relationships: Erin Gilbert & Jillian Holtzmann, Erin Gilbert/Jillian Holtzmann
Comments: 15
Kudos: 60





	The (Actual) Happiest Season

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hi. Am I supposed to be here? No. Did I give up writing Holtzbert fics? Yes. Did I then watch this freaking movie that made me incredibly upset, decide that the premise was perfect for Holtzbert, and end up writing a 17k fix-it? Yes, yes I did. 
> 
> I'm going to tell you right now that if you haven't seen Happiest Season yet, don't worry about spoilers, because this literally has a different plot. Yes I lifted a few scenes and a few jokes, but truly nothing more than what appears in the trailers. Everything else has been rewritten to my liking. Also, if you haven't seen Happiest Season yet, and you read this first, just uh...don't expect the movie to be like this.

It’s mid-November, and Holtz is hanging Christmas lights.

More specifically, she is standing 30 feet in the air in a bucket truck that she rented from a forestry company, and she is stringing Christmas lights around the firehouse. 

“I really don’t like this,” Erin shouts from the sidewalk below her. 

“You’re right; they’re not straight,” Holtz calls back. “Who’s surprised?”

Erin sighs and shakes her head at her girlfriend, shifting anxiously from side to side. An angry pedestrian dodges around her, grumbling, and she apologizes. 

The front door opens and Patty steps out. “Hey. She fall to her death yet?”

Erin gazes up at the bucket. “Not yet.”

“Well, I got good news for you.” Patty cups her hands around her mouth to shout. “Ay, Holtzy, time to get down. We got a call.”

“Awww.” Holtz looks down at the two of them, torn. “Can you go without me?”

“Nope, it’s a bad one,” Patty calls back, then turns to Erin. “It’s only a Class II, but I got you.”

“Thanks,” Erin says with relief. 

“I called my cousin who’s a linesman and bribed him with tofu dogs. He’s going to drop by later to take over.”

“You’re a godsend, Patty,” Erin murmurs. 

Patty slings an arm around her shoulders and they both watch as Holtz lowers the boom.

“This better be a good one, Patterson,” Holtz says as she clambers out of the bucket. “I was in the zone.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Patty says, releasing Erin and heading back to the door. “C’mon, time to suit up.”

“I’m already suited up,” Holtz calls at her back.

“You’re not wearing a Santa suit on a ghost call,” Patty replies without turning. “I won’t allow it.”

Erin wraps both arms around Holtz’s torso and presses a kiss to her temple. 

“Hi,” Holtz says.

“Hi,” Erin breathes. “I like you better with both feet on the ground.”

Holtz shifts in her embrace to lift one leg like a flamingo. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Hm. That’s a shame, because statistically it’s quite rare for me to have both feet touching the ground at the same time. You know how walking works, right?”

“You stand still sometimes.”

“Ehhhhhhh…”

“Fine, you sit.”

“Erin.” Holtz steps away from her and rests a hand on her shoulder. “I am a lesbian. Have you ever seen me sit with my feet on the ground?”

“No,” Erin grumbles. 

Holtz pats her shoulder and trails her fingers down Erin’s arm to grab her hand. She tugs her in the direction of the door, skipping. “Let’s go catch this nasty lil spooky, shall we?”

The ghost is a letdown. Patty’s cousin comes and helps Holtz hang the rest of the lights, which takes several days. There are thousands, as well as projections, and the entire spectacle is timed in sync with the most obnoxious lineup of holiday songs that Holtz could think of. The entire display is so bright and noisy that they get a dozen complaints in the first hour after it goes live. 

Holtz responds by stringing a giant banner across the front of the firehouse that reads CHRISTMAS SPIRIT BOTHERING YOU? CALL THE GHOSTBUSTERS with a little ghost in a Santa hat, just so people get the pun.

The complaints start to wane the closer they get to December, with a sharp decline after Thanksgiving. By the time December 1 st rolls around, they’ve started to gather nightly crowds. They set up a donation box in front of the firehouse and collect money for local food banks and shelters.

The inside of the firehouse looks like Christmas threw up on it. There are hundreds of additional lights covering every inch, and a massive tree that scratches the ceiling. It takes them several days to decorate it because they run out of ornaments more than once. There are holiday knickknacks littering every surface, far more than a scientific laboratory should really have, yet new ones seem to appear every day. There’s some sort of elaborate gingerbread structure in the kitchen that’s supposedly a famous building, but none of them can figure out what it is and Holtz won’t tell them.

One evening, about a week and a half before Christmas, Erin winds her way through the firehouse in search of her girlfriend so they can go home for the night. She’s not in the lab, though there are holiday hits blaring at full blast out of her boombox. She’s not upstairs working on the gingerbread monstrosity. That leaves one place, the one she’s most often found most nights.

Erin pushes out onto the roof and finds Holtz leaning over the ledge, watching the crowd on the street below.

“Hey, little elf,” Erin says as she crosses the roof and joins her. She rests a hand on her lower back.

“Hello, Ebenezer,” Holtz hums, turning her head to give her a cold-lipped kiss.

Erin brushes some flakes of snow from Holtz’s hair. “You’re freezing.”

Holtz snuggles into her side. “Not anymore.”

Erin wraps her arm all the way around her waist and pulls her closer. “Don’t you get tired of people-watching?”

“Never. Look at them, Erin. Look at how happy they are.”

Down on the sidewalk, the crowd holds a mix of expressions. Excitement, awe, glee. One little girl has the purest expression of wonder on her face. There’s an elderly couple holding hands. There’s a young boy singing along to the current song that’s playing.

“You did that,” Erin says. “You made this for them.”

Holtz continues to hum happily. “I love Christmas.”

Erin smiles and leans her head against Holtz’s. “Really?”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but does it bother you? I know you don’t like Christmas.”

“It’s not that I don’t like Christmas.” Erin sighs. “I have a complicated relationship with the holidays.”

Holtz turns to face her, leaning against the side of the ledge. “You don’t really talk about it much.”

Erin faces her as well. She notices a slight shiver pass through Holtz, so she reaches up and unties her scarf, then loops it around her girlfriend’s bare neck. Holtz pulls it up over her mouth and scrunches her head down.

“I wish we were spending Christmas together,” Erin says. “I feel terrible that I’m leaving you here alone for your favourite holiday.”

“Talk Like A Pirate Day is actually my favourite holiday, but Christmas is a close second.” Holtz folds into Erin’s embrace and buries her face into her chest, voice muffled. “Don’t feel bad. I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t want to go home. I hate going home. I’d so much rather wake up to you on Christmas morning than wake up in my parents house.”

“You could do both,” Holtz says.

Erin pulls back to look at her. “Holtz…no. I’m sorry. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Holtz lifts her head. “Why not?”

“My family would ruin your Christmas. They might even ruin Christmas forever for you. They did for me.”

“I’m tough,” Holtz asserts, “and the thought of you facing that alone makes me sad.”

“You don’t understand,” Erin whispers.

Holtz blinks up at her. “Explain it then?”

Erin bites her lip, pained. “You couldn’t come, because…because my parents don’t know about you. They don’t know that I’m dating you.”

Holtz isn’t fazed. “Okay.”

“Because I’m not out to them.”

Holtz’s brow creases for a second, then smooths out. “Okay.”

“Okay? How is that okay?” Erin cringes and shrinks into herself. “I’ve been lying to you. And them. And everyone.”

“Being in the closet isn’t lying,” Holtz says, reaching up to smooth her frozen fingers over Erin’s cheek. “I mean, I feel a little dumb for assuming you were out to them, but I shouldn’t have assumed that. It’s not like you lied to me and said you were out.”

“You asked one time,” Erin says, “about my coming out story.”

“Did I?”

“I redirected the conversation. Distracted you by making you think something was about to explode in your hands. And then it actually did, which was lucky for me.”

“I don’t remember this, but it checks out.”

“I was too much of a coward to have that conversation with you. I couldn’t look you in the eye and tell you that I was…too scared to show the world who I am. I knew you’d think I was ashamed of you, or that I didn’t love you, or—"

“Hey.  _ Hey _ .” Holtz moves her hand to rub Erin’s arm. “Coming out is scary as  _ fuck _ . And it’s your thing to do on your terms when  _ you’re  _ ready. It has nothing to do with me, and I know that.”

There are tears shining in Erin’s eyes.

“I love you,” Holtz promises. “So so much. And I know you love me, too.”

“I really do.”

“And even if you’re not out, that doesn’t change that.”

Erin hangs her head. “I want to tell them. I want to tell my parents at Christmas.”

“Really? Are you sure? You’re ready?”

“I hate this,” Erin says. “I hate that I can’t tell them about you. I want them to know that I’m in a serious relationship. I want them to know that I’m in love. I want them to know that I’m happy. I  _ need _ them to know that I’m happy.”

Holtz squeezes her arm.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell them, and I’m terrified,” Erin says, “but I’m ready.”

Holtz gazes at her for a long moment.

“I’m coming with you to Michigan,” she announces.

Erin’s face falls. “No, Holtz…”

“As your  _ friend, _ ” Holtz says. “Your colleague, even. And I’ll meet your parents and charm them and they’ll fall in love with me, and then when you’re ready,  _ if  _ you’re ready, you can tell them. And if you’re still not ready by the time Christmas is over, that’s okay too.”

“I could never ask you to do that for me.”

“You didn’t ask. I offered. I can even play straight!”

Erin screws up her face. “I can’t ask you to go back in the closet for me. That’s so unfair to you.”

“Here’s the thing about the closet that nobody ever mentions: it’s a magic closet. I can be in there with you, keeping you company, without actually going back inside it. Magic.”

“Holtz…”

“No pressure, okay? If you’re not comfortable, I’ll stay here. I just don’t want you to have to do this alone if I could be there for you, y’know?”

Erin is crying again. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Few do.” Holtz tugs down her scarf and stretches up to kiss Erin’s cheek. “You do, though.”

“You’ve met Erin’s parents, right?”

Abby tears a strip of tape off with her teeth and passes it up to Holtz, who’s standing on a ladder behind Kevin’s desk, re-hanging fallen lights.

“Many times,” Abby confirms.

Holtz tapes the lights to the wall and then turns and sits down on the top of the ladder. “What’re they like?”

Abby thinks for a moment, her foot on the bottom rung of the ladder to hold it down. “Dismissive.”

“Hm.”

“When there was a ghost, it was ‘No, that’s not real.’ When Erin got her PhD, it was ‘That’s nice, dear.’ When they met me, it was ‘Nice to meet you, Annabel.’” Abby spins the roll of tape around her finger. “Nothing impresses them. They make everything about themselves. All they care about are appearances. Everything gets smoothed over or ignored.”

Holtz jumps down from the ladder abruptly, her boots hitting the floor with a thud. “Great.”

“Easiest way to get them to like you is to go along with it and not do anything disruptive.” Abby stops spinning the tape. “So, in your case, you should probably just not speak.”

Holtz snorts. “Thanks, Abs.”

It’s Erin’s mother who answers the door.

“Erin, dear,” she says, reaching out to pat her on the arm. “How nice to see you.”

“Hey, Mom.”

She turns to Holtz. “And you must be Erin’s colleague. Welcome, Janice. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Mom, it’s J—”

“Jan,” Holtz cuts in. “You can call me Jan.” She excitedly pumps Carol’s hand. “Thanks for letting me crash your Christmas.”

Erin gives her a look.

“Of course,” Carol says smoothly. “Erin said you were going to spend the holidays alone.”

“Well, you know how it is,” Holtz says with a shrug.

Carol ushers them into the house just as there’s a beeping from down the hall.

“Excuse me, that’s my timer,” she says, and disappears to the kitchen.

Erin turns on Holtz the second she’s out of earshot. “ _ Jan? _ ”

“Janice is my heterosexual persona,” Holtz announces.

“God help me,” Erin mumbles. “This is going to end in disaster. You’re a terrible actor.”

“I’m a  _ fantastic  _ actor. I can deliver anything with a straight face. Emphasis on the  _ straight _ .”

“Yes, but you don’t exactly say the right things,” Erin says. “I love you, but…”

“Fear not, sweet sugarplum,” Holtz says. “I’m gonna totally rock this.”

“So, Jan,” Erin’s father begins while methodically cutting his steak at a restaurant that evening, “you’re a colleague of Erin’s at Columbia, yes?”

Holtz pauses, her own mouth full of steak. Her eyes dart to Erin, who looks alarmed.

“Oh yeah,” Holtz says with her mouth still full. “Sure am.”

Carol sips her wine. “What do you teach?”

She chews and swallows noisily. “German.”

“Oh. Well, that’s certainly interesting,” Carol says. “I suppose with a surname like Holtzmann…”

“Yes, that is…why I chose it, obviously,” Holtz says, nodding to herself. “In honour of my great grandfather. He was German. His name was Heinz. Heinz…er, Horst…Holtzmann. They used to call him Triple H. He was the most famous lamp salesman in all of Germany. You know, until the war.”

Erin kicks her under the table.

“That’s fascinating,” Edgar says dully.

“She’s kidding,” Erin says loudly.

All eyes go to her.

She clears her throat. “Jane doesn’t work at Columbia—”

“Jan,” Holtz interjects.

“ _ Jan _ doesn’t work at Columbia,” Erin corrects. “I know her through the Ghostbusters.”

They stare at her.

“You said she was your colleague,” Carol says.

“Mom, Dad, I—” Erin looks back and forth between them. “I haven’t worked at Columbia in years? You know that.”

They exchange a glance.

“Since when?” Edgar says sharply.

“Since we formed the Ghostbusters,” Erin says, voice a little hoarse. “You know that,” she repeats.

“You quit your career to pursue a  _ hobby? _ ” Carol says, setting down her cutlery.

“It’s not a hobby, it’s my job,” Erin says. “We get paid. By the  _ mayor _ , I might add. And also by clients, for…”

“Exterminations,” Holtz supplies helpfully.

Carol sucks in a breath. “You quit your high-paying, stable job—”

“I didn’t quit,” Erin mumbles.

Edgar’s eyes narrow. “What are you saying?”

“I was fired,” Erin says even quieter.

“Fired,” Carol repeats. “How could they fire tenured faculty?”

“I wasn’t tenured,” Erin says, so quiet she can barely be heard over the din of the restaurant. “I was tenure track. The board was set for my final review when they…”

“Yes?”

“They…found out that I believe in ghosts.”

“ _ Erin _ .”

“Carol,” Edgar says, a warning. “This isn’t the place for this discussion.”

They all fall silent. Erin picks at her food.

Erin’s sister, Alexandra, clears her throat. “So, um, Jan…tell us more about yourself. Are you married, or do you have a boyfriend, or…?”

Holtz sits up straighter. “Oh, no, no boyfriend. I’m a widower, actually. My late husband died in a blimping accident.”

Erin covers her face.

Alexandra gasps. “Oh my.”

Holtz touches her heart. “The wound is still…very fresh. My dear…Edward. Edward…uh, Cullen.”

“Edward Cullen?” Alexandra repeats.

“No relation,” Holtz says. “As you can imagine, his life was hell from 2008 on. That’s why he took up blimping, actually. Just to get away from it all. Little known fact, but Twihards aren’t allowed to rent blimps.”

They’re all staring at her. Erin is still covering her face.

“How did you meet?” Alexandra asks.

“Oh, great story. Yes. We met in an online forum for people with the same names as fictional characters. I was there seeking support for my, uh…brother. Whose name is…Harry Potter.”

“Your brother has a different last name as you?”

“Yes, well, that’s because he’s adopted. He actually lived with his evil aunt and uncle before us, ironically. He had a room, though. They didn’t keep him under the stairs.”

“Holtzmann,” Erin says loudly. “Janice. Jan. Don’t you think this topic is too painful for you to discuss anymore?”

“Oh. Yes.” Holtz nods. “I am emotionally distraught with the memories of my poor Edward. My loving husband. He was such a man. Just really truly manly. A great man.” She wipes a hand on her brow. “I cannot reminisce anymore, or I may crumble.”

“Great, good,” Erin says, and stabs her steak.

“Come, Janice,” Carol says back at the house after dinner. “I’ll show you to your room. Edgar took your bag down already.”

“Wait, she’s not staying with me?” Erin says.

Carol gives her a look. “As if I would ask two grown women to share a bed.”

“Um. I think—” Erin shoots a panicked glance at Holtz. “I think she’d probably be more comfortable in my room? We’re used to sharing a space back home—” She breaks off, paling.

Carol stares at her. “Do you live together?”

“Yes,” Erin squeaks.

Carol frowns. “You’re in your forties, Erin. Aren’t you a little old for a roommate?”

“New York is expensive,” Holtz interjects. “Really, Erin did me a favour by letting me come crash with her. I had just been evicted. Because of a fire that I did…not start.” She coughs.

Carol’s frown deepens. “Your apartment is a one-bedroom, is it not?”

“Uhhh…”

“I sleep on the floor,” Holtz says.

“Couch!” Erin says quickly. “She means the couch. Where a normal person would sleep if they were staying at someone’s apartment.”

“Right. I said floor because most nights I fall off the couch onto the floor.” Holtz shrugs. “I’m a thrasher.”

Carol looks back and forth between them for a moment, then sighs. “Well, I’m a much better hostess than that. Janice, you’re in the basement. Come.”

“Basements are good,” Holtz pipes up, smiling reassuringly at Erin. “I like basements.”

“Can we at least say goodnight, then?” Erin asks desperately.

“Of course,” Carol says, then stands there expectantly.

“Mom.” Erin clears her throat. “Can you give us a minute? Actually, why don’t I just show, uh,  _ Jan _ , down to her room instead of you?”

Carol presses her mouth into a thin line. “Very well.”

Erin tugs Holtz down the hallway. Holtz lifts her hand in a wave as they squeeze past Erin’s mother. “Night, Carol.”

“Goodnight,” Carol replies coolly.

They dart down the stairs to the basement, Erin grumbling the whole way.

“This isn’t even a room,” she complains. “The door doesn’t even lock. It used to be for storage. If my mother wasn’t hell bent on keeping mine and Alex’s rooms as shrines to our younger selves, they could have a proper guest bedroom instead of this.”

Holtz nudges her. “Hey, it’s okay.”

They enter the room and Erin swings the door shut behind them. “No. It’s not. That was the whole point of you coming—so we could wake up next to each other on Christmas morning.”

“The point of me coming was for moral support.” Holtz stretches up to kiss her.

“Is that what this is?” Erin murmurs against her lips.

“Uh huh.”

Erin pulls back and strokes the side of Holtz’s face. “I  _ am  _ going to wake up next to you on Christmas morning,” she says, determined. “It just means I have to tell them before then.”

“You don’t  _ have  _ to do anything,” Holtz reminds her gently. “You can never tell them, if you don’t want to. You can be spinster aunt Erin who never married but lived with her best friend in a one-bedroom apartment her whole life, and nobody questions it or thinks anything of it.”

Erin laughs softly. “That does sound kind of appealing.” She rolls her shoulders back. “But no. I want to do this. I just don’t know when. Or how. Things are already off to a rocky start.”

“I’m sorry about dinner.”

“It was a bit of a train wreck,” Erin admits.

“I think I overdid it,” Holtz says. “Yeah? Yeah. I’ll tone it down tomorrow.”

“No.” Erin shakes her head. “You didn’t overdo anything. You were perfectly yourself. I’m already asking so much of you on this trip; I’ll be damned if I ask you to tone down your weird, too.”

Holtz quirks an eyebrow. “Do you want weirder? Because I can do weirder.”

“Well, my parents already don’t know what to make of you, so you might as well have fun.  _ I  _ thought you were funny.”

“Did you? You kinda seemed like you were in pain.”

“Oh, I was,” Erin promises. “Not because of you, though. I only cut you off because it seemed like you were digging yourself into a hole.”

“Yeah, good call.”

Erin cups her face and leans in for another kiss. “Thank you for doing this. Really. I love you so much.”

“Well, you’ll never compare to my late husband, but I’m still mildly fond of you,” Holtz says with a wink.

Erin giggles.

After Erin has retired upstairs to bed, Holtz phones Patty.

“Hey, Holtzy,” she answers with surprise. “Everything okay? How’s Michigan?”

“I’m gonna need to call in an exterminator,” Holtz announces.

“What? Why?”

“Because of all the WASPs.”

Patty snorts. “It’s going good, then?”

“Oh, it’s been a delight. Dinner was quite the affair.”

“If it gets to be much, you can come crash with me and my family for Christmas.”

“Thanks, Patty.” Holtz leans back into her pillows with a sigh. “Nah, it’s fine. Just weird.”

“Erin act different around them?”

“A bit. Not much.” Holtz pauses, then lowers her voice. “She’s not out to them.”

There’s a beat. “Wait, what?”

“They don’t know that we’re together.”

“So what, they think she brought her lesbian friend home for Christmas?”

“Oh no. No, no, no. That would be ridiculous. They also think I’m straight.”

“…Have they ever  _ met  _ a lesbian?”

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I’m giving the best performance of my life. I’m crushing it.”

“I would pay  _ good  _ money to see you impersonate a straight woman, I really would.”

“Oh my god.  _ What  _ are you wearing?” Erin asks the next morning the second she lays eyes on Holtz.

Holtz looks down at herself. “Oh this?”

Erin shakes her head at her. “I—I don’t even know what to say.”

“Do I not look  _ just  _ like a straight woman?” Holtz does a little spin.

“You look like somebody’s estranged librarian aunt,” Erin says. “That blouse is…horrible.”

“Thank you. I found it in your closet.”

“Wait, what? That’s  _ mine? _ ”

“Sure is. And it’s  _ very  _ itchy.” Holtz tugs the collar of the oatmeal-coloured blouse.

“Oh my god. Is that what I look like?”

“Erin, I love you, but you do dress disappointingly heterosexual sometimes. And like somebody’s estranged librarian aunt.”

“Oh my god,” Erin repeats. She covers her eyes. “I can’t. Please go change into something else. Wear your normal clothes. They’re not going to think anything of it. They’ll just think you’re quirky.”

Holtz waggles her eyebrows. “Ooh, the  _ other  _ Q word.”

“Go. Please. Before everyone else wakes up.”

Holtz bows. “As you wish, madam.”

Erin’s father is running for mayor.

On their second night there, they all attend a massive gala with the purpose of schmoozing potential donors.

Holtz takes Erin’s advice to heart and wears a kilt to the event. Edgar and Carol seem dismayed at her fashion choices, but say nothing.

“Erin,” Edgar says as they’re driving to the venue, “if anyone should ask what you do for work, we’d like you to speak about your academic appointment at Columbia.”

“But I don’t work at Columbia,” Erin says.

“Yes, well, you  _ did  _ have a career as a respected particle physicist, and should anyone ask, that is what you’ll speak about. Understood?”

Erin sinks down into her seat and crosses her arms. “Understood.”

At the gala, Erin is immediately whisked off to be a prop in her father’s happy family political charade, leaving Holtz to mingle. She downs drinks at the bar, asking for increasingly weird cocktails until the bartender actually rolls his eyes at her, and then circles the room interjecting herself into conversations.

By the time Erin has joined her again, Holtz’s jacket is tied around her neck like a cape, and she’s talking about yachts with a cluster of men from the country club. Erin steers her away from the group.

“How am I doing?” Holtz asks as they climb the stairs up to the balcony overlooking the room.

“Well, I overheard my father’s campaign advisor use the word ‘liability’ to describe you, so you must be doing something right.” Erin sighs and leans on the railing. “I’ve always hated these things.”

“Now I see why you always fake sick whenever Mayor Bradley throws one of these shindigs.”

“I don’t  _ fake  _ sick, I usually  _ am  _ sick,” Erin says.

Holtz sidles up to her and bumps her shoulder. “You’re doing great. Only a few more hours.”

Erin groans.

They watch the crowd below them for a silent minute. Then Holtz abruptly catches the eye of a dark-haired woman in a black suit, who notices her and raises a wine glass in her direction.

“Holy shit,” Holtz murmurs, staring at her. “Is that Aubrey Plaza?”

“Where?!” Erin follows her gaze. “Oh my god.”

“What the hell is Aubrey Plaza doing at a mayoral donor gala in Battle Creek, Michigan?”

“I have  _ no _ idea,” Erin says. “Oh my god—oh my god, she’s coming up here. Holtz.”

“Be cool.”

“I’m cool. I’m always cool.” Erin smooths down her dress. “Oh god.”

Aubrey Plaza climbs the staircase and joins them, lifting her hand. “Hey!”

“Aubrey Plaza!” Erin blurts.

Aubrey Plaza finger-guns them. “The Ghostbusters, right? I’m a big fan.”

“You’re a big fan of  _ us?!  _ We’re a big fan of  _ you! _ ”

Holtz extends a hand. “Hey. Holtzmann. This is Erin. She’s always this cool.”

Erin elbows her.

Aubrey Plaza shakes her hand and then takes a sip of wine. “I’m sure you’re wondering what I’m doing here.”

Holtz shrugs. “Nah, I don’t think we need an explanation. It makes perfect logical sense for you to be here right now.”

Aubrey Plaza nods. “Cool.”

“I can’t believe you’re standing in front of us right now,” Erin says. She glances as Holtz. “This is crazy. I always thought the two of you should teach a class on deadpan humour.”

“I tried once, but none of the students took me seriously,” Aubrey Plaza says.

“Maybe you need to change your delivery,” Holtz says.

Erin laughs a bit wildly.

“Anyway.” Aubrey Plaza hooks a thumb over her shoulder. “I gotta go. It was cool meeting you.”

“Cool,” Erin yammers. “It was cool meeting you too. So cool. You’re so cool.”

Aubrey Plaza gives them a tight-lipped smile and a wave and backs away.

“Well that was rather gay,” Holtz says when she’s out of earshot. “Good thing your parents weren’t around to witness  _ that _ .”

Holtz is sitting in bed that night, tinkering with a small proton pistol that she smuggled in her suitcase, when her phone lights up with a text from Erin.

**Erin: I miss you.**

**Erin: I hate being back in this stupid room. I can’t even turn the lights out without flashing back to the ghost. I hate it. I wish you were with me.**

Holtz immediately drops the pistol on the bedspread, no doubt staining it with grease, and thumbs back a quick response as she clambers off the bed.

**Holtz: I’m coming up**

She bends to rummage in her suitcase, finds the item she’s looking for, then throws open the door and begins creeping up the stairs as silently as she can.

Down the hall, she can hear noise coming from the study. A recording of the speech that Edgar made at the gala. She tiptoes down and carefully peeks her head around the archway, then takes a deep breath and slips past, hoping he hasn’t seen her.

As she continues down the hall, she suddenly hears footsteps down the hall. Panicking, she scrambles and reaches for the closest door: the utility closet.

Inside the dark closet, she listens to someone walk past, and fires off an SOS to Erin. Then she accidentally steps on a Roomba, which turns on and starts loudly crashing around into things.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” she mutters, madly trying to get it turned off before—

The door flies open.

“Jan!” Carol yelps, leaping out of the way as several brooms come tumbling into the hallway. The poor Roomba zips past her feet. “What on earth are you doing in the closet?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

“What is that?” Carol presses, looking at her hand.

Holtz looks down at the PKE meter spinning lazily. “Oh this? This is…uh…a cotton candy maker.”

Carol stares at her. “What?”

“I…thought this was the pantry,” Holtz says confidently. “I got hungry and came looking for a snack. With my cotton candy maker. As backup.”

“The pantry is in the kitchen,” Carol says.

“Yeah, I got confused,” Holtz says. She sidesteps out of the closet. “Wellll, I’m just going to head back downstairs now, if you don’t mind.”

“Do you need me to make you food?”

“Nah, I’m good. My doctor says I shouldn’t eat before bed anyway.” She taps her temple. “Night terrors.”

Carol blinks at her.

“Goodnight! Sorry for the mess!” Holtz salutes and scurries back down the hall towards the basement stairs. She thumps down them dejectedly, vowing to give it another go in a few hours when everyone is asleep.

She gets back to her room and stops short. Erin is sitting primly on the edge of the bed. She raises a finger to her lips.

Holtz grins and reaches behind her to shut the door. “Why, hello. How’d you manage to get down here?”

“I’m sneaky and I know this house,” Erin says smugly. She catches sight of what’s in Holtz’s hand. “Why do you have the PKE meter?”

Holtz looks down at it. “Ah. I thought we could scope out your bedroom. Check for lingering paranormal readings. Thought maybe that could help ease your mind a little.”

Erin’s face softens. “Holtz…”

“Abby doesn’t know I borrowed it, so if she texts you asking where it is, you know nothing, capiche?”

“Got it,” Erin says with a smile.

Holtz tosses the meter back in her suitcase and comes to stand in front of Erin, taking her face in her hands and bending to kiss her. Erin sighs happily.

They crawl into bed together, Erin snuggling into Holtz’s side.

“How you holdin’ up, buttercup?” Holtz asks.

Erin reaches for the abandoned proton pistol and picks it up gingerly, nose wrinkling, then sets it on the end table. “I don’t know. I hate being in this house.”

Holtz kisses her cheek. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“And I hated every second of that gala—except for Aubrey Plaza, her presence was a saving grace. I can’t believe my dad made me lie to everyone about working at Columbia.” She sniffs. “Well, I can believe it. I just hate it.”

“I’m sorry,” Holtz murmurs against the skin of her neck. “You deserve better. You have an amazing career and you deserve to talk about it.”

“Thank you,” Erin says quietly.

“Also I love you.”

“Love you too.” Erin breathes in and out. “Thank you for the millionth time for doing this for me. I hate that I’m putting you through this.”

Holtz reaches up to boop her nose. “And I’ll remind you it was my idea.”

“I know. But you didn’t know what it would be like.”

“It hasn’t been that bad for me. I think you’ve had it much worse.”

Erin doesn’t respond, just chews on her lip.

“What’s the deal with your sister?” Holtz asks casually.

Erin glances at her. “Alex? Alex is…I don’t know. She’s cool.”

“You get along with her?”

“Yeah. We were always pretty close…” Erin pauses. “She’s, um…a decade older than me. I was the oopsie baby.” She laughs once.

Holtz pouts.

Erin fidgets. “She had already left for college when the ghost started haunting me. It sucked, and I think I resent her for it a bit—even though that’s not her fault. It’s just, I know she would’ve had my back. If she’d been around, she would’ve camped out in my room with me or let me sleep in her room or  _ something,  _ I don’t know. She was always a good big sister. She protected me from our parents and she would’ve protected me from the ghost, too.”

“Are you still pretty close?”

“We don’t talk as often as I’d like,” Erin admits. “I wish we were closer, but I don’t know. After she left for college, she started distancing herself from the family more, and I withdrew after the ghost, so we definitely grew apart.”

“How do you think she’d react if she knew we were dating?”

Erin thinks for a moment. “I honestly don’t know. I mean, we were raised in the same house under the same…ideals. But I like to think that she loves me and would support me. I really don’t know.”

Holtz finds her hand and squeezes it. “Do you think there’s any world in which you’d come out to her before your parents?”

“Maybe,” Erin says. “I…I don’t know. I’m scared. I don’t want to lose her—or my parents. I don’t want to lose anyone.”

“I know,” Holtz says softly. “It’s really frigging scary. I’m here for you no matter what, alright?”

Erin is quiet for a moment. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked you. What…what was your coming out experience like?”

Holtz goes still.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Erin says quickly.

Holtz presses her lips together and looks up at her. “I just don’t want to make you more scared than you already are.”

Erin winces. “So it was bad, then?”

Holtz hesitates. “I…told my dad when I was twelve. He told me to get out of the house.”

Erin flinches.

“So I went to my grandma’s house,” Holtz continues, “and I told her, and she gave me a hug, put on a pot of tea for me, and then drove over to my dad’s house and punched him in the face.”

“Wh—actually?”

“Yeah, he pressed charges and she got arrested and everything. I mean, my grandma kicks ass. Literally. If your grandma isn’t willing to spend the night in jail for you, is she even an ally?”

“Oh my god, Holtz…I…I’m so sorry.”

Holtz squeezes her hand again. “It’s okay. You know why? It just showed me who’s worth having in my life. My grandma raised me after that, and she never stopped loving and supporting me. My dad’s the one who missed out on loving me and seeing me grow up, and I feel sorry for him.”

“You don’t hate him?”

“Hate isn’t one of my downloaded emotions,” Holtz says. “I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

Erin sighs. “You’re a better person than me.”

“It’s okay to be angry. And sad. And scared. And literally anything else. Coming out is you sharing yourself with someone and hoping that they still love you. Anything less than a 100% positive reaction can feel like a soul-crushing rejection.” Holtz pauses. “But you’re going to be okay, no matter what happens. You’re strong, and you’re loved by so many people who already know, and you’re part of a brilliant, dazzling, loving, supportive community and we’ve got you. I’ve got you. And you’ve got this.”

Erin sniffles and kisses her appreciatively.

Both Holtz and Erin jolt awake to the sound of knocking.

Erin yelps, realizing that she accidentally fell asleep down in Holtz’s room. They both scramble, throwing off the covers.

“Janice?” Carol calls through the door. The doorknob turns.

Erin dives off the bed and hits the floor behind hit with a thump. The door flies open just as Holtz skitters to a stop in front of it.

“Sorry,” Carol says briskly, pushing past her, “I just need to get something.”

“Sure, yep, hello,” Holtz says.

“What was that noise? Did you drop something?” Carol asks as she reaches the storage shelves and begins rifling through boxes.

“Oh, that?” Holtz looks over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the top of Erin’s head on the other side of the bed. “I, uh, fell out of bed.”

“You certainly are a restless sleeper,” Carol says disdainfully.

“Yeah, well, you startled me awake,” Holtz says. She clears her throat. “It’s okay. The floor is comfortable. So comfortable that I could probably  _ lay down on it _ .”

Erin’s head disappears.

“Where is this blasted thing?” Carol mutters, continuing to dig through the bins.

The family dog, a tiny little yapping thing, trots into the room, nose in the air. Holtz watches it uneasily.

It rounds the bed and starts barking.

“Oh, hello, puppy!” Holtz says loudly, jogging over to it and scooping it up, meeting Erin’s panicked eyes.

Carol glares back at her. “Don’t manhandle him. He just had a fresh grooming.”

“I can’t help it,” Holtz says, carrying the dog far away from Erin. “I just love dogs…so much…so, so much…”

The dog growls. She holds it away from her body.

“Finally,” Carol says, holding up a serving platter from one of the bins. She sweeps out of the room without another word.

Holtz follows after her, setting down the dog just outside the door and then swiftly shutting it out. She turns, back against the door, and exhales.

“Whelp, that was fun,” she says.

Erin pops up. “That was  _ way  _ too close. I can’t believe I fell asleep down here.”

“You gotta admit it was funny, though.”

“I can’t believe I nearly got outed by a dog. A dog that my parents love more than me.”

Holtz snickers.

“Erin, we need to have a talk.”

Erin stands in the doorframe of her father’s study, shifting uneasily. “About what?”

Edgar sighs and leans back in his chair. “Your friend Jan.”

Her heart thumps in her chest. “What about her?”

“She made quite a spectacle at the gala yesterday.”

“She was just socializing,” Erin says.

“She ate a bacon-wrapped shrimp off Councilman Harvey’s plate. And told Penelope Santiago that she needs to lay off the Botox.”

“She  _ does _ ,” Erin mumbles.

“We’ve decided it would be best if she doesn’t come to tonight’s dinner,” Edgar says. “There will be too many important people there that I need on my side for this campaign. I can’t have anything distracting anyone from that.”

Erin’s mouth falls open. “You’re uninviting her?”

“Yes. I need tonight to go smoothly.”

Erin crosses her arms. “If she’s not going, I’m not going.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I mean it. I’m not going to let you hide away my friend at home.”

He stares at her. “Fine.”

“Good.”

He turns to his computer. “You’ll stay home, too.”

She blinks. “You’re uninviting  _ me? _ ”

He doesn’t respond. The conversation is over. He’s pissed, she can tell.

With a huff, she turns out of the office.

“Can you  _ believe  _ him?” Erin is pacing back and forth in front of Holtz. “The nerve.”

“Look on the bright side,” Holtz says. “Now neither of us have to sit through another political event,  _ and  _ we get the house to ourselves for the evening. Win-win.”

Erin stops and slowly turns to face her. “That’s true…”

No sooner has Erin’s family departed for dinner when the two of them turn to each other.

“So,” Erin says, “house to ourselves…”

“Indeed,” Holtz says.

“I feel like we can finally—”

“Be gaaaaay?”

“Breathe,” Erin says, giving her a little shove with a smile.

“Same thing,” Holtz quips.

Erin takes Holtz by the waist. “What do you want to do with our…breaths?”

“I had a few ideas…”

“Oh yeah?”

Holtz walks her fingers up Erin’s chest. “I thought maybe we could take advantage of the empty house and…go up to your room and…”

Erin leans in.

“…sweep it for paranormal activity?” Holtz finishes.

Erin laughs hollowly. “Oh. Wow, you sure know the key to a woman’s heart.”

Holtz’s face falls. “You don’t want to do that?”

“Well, there are some things I’d rather do,” Erin mumbles. “Look, I love that you’re so gung-ho to scope out my room, but…” She looks down, biting her lip. “I don’t know if I want to know.”

Holtz frowns. “What do you mean?”

“What if there’s still signs of paranormal activity?” Erin asks. “Or worse. What if there’s no sign that there ever  _ was? _ ”

Holtz rubs Erin’s arm reassuringly. “Hey. It’s okay.” She thinks for a moment. “What if I go up there alone? I could take some readings. If there  _ is  _ current activity, I can deal with it. And you don’t have to know what I find. I just want to make sure you’re safe. That’s all.”

Erin’s anxious expression softens. “Okay.”

Holtz smiles at her. “I’ll go right now and be back before you can say  _ elf _ .”

Holtz slowly pushes Erin’s bedroom door open and steps over the threshold.

As Erin mentioned, it’s basically a shrine to her younger self. There are posters of teen heartthrobs on the walls. Science fair ribbons. Softball trophies. Piano exam certificates. Holtz looks it over with a careful eye, keeping an eye on the PKE meter spinning in her hand.

The room doesn’t feel very  _ Erin  _ to her. It feels like an unhappy Erin that her parents are trying to preserve. It feels like a child desperately hoping to earn her parents’ love.

She opens the closet and peers inside, then glances down at the numbers on the screen. She stands there a second longer, then shuts the door again.

Downstairs, Erin jumps up from the couch as soon as Holtz appears.

“Well?” she asks. “Done?”

“Done,” Holtz confirms.

Erin holds her gaze, chewing on her lip.

“You want to know, don’t you?” Holtz asks.

“Yes,” Erin breathes. “Or no. Yes. I don’t know.” She exhales. “Okay. Yes. I want to know.”

Holtz comes over to join her. “You’re sure?”

“Yes. Just tell me.” Erin squeezes her eyes shut.

“There’s no current activity. It’s clear.”

Erin breathes out shakily and opens her eyes. “And?”

“And there are very definitive traces of past paranormal activity.”

Erin’s eyes are wide. “You’re sure?” she whispers.

Holtz passes her the PKE meter. “See for yourself.”

Erin looks down at the readings. Her eyes blur with tears. She drops onto the couch, choking back a sob.

“Erin? Shit.” Holtz plunks down beside her. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to trigger you, I—”

“No, no, it’s—” Erin turns her head, tears tracking down her cheeks. “It really happened. It happened. I wasn’t crazy.”

Holtz understands immediately, and wraps her arms around her. “Yes it did.”

Erin exhales nearly forty years of doubt and lets Holtz hold her tight as she cries.

“Let’s get out of this house,” Holtz says against her shoulder some time later. “Show me around town. Take me to your old haunts. Pun always intended.”

“I didn’t get out much,” Erin says. “I don’t really have any old haunts…except, well…I guess there is  _ one  _ place I used to hang out…”

“Of all the things I could learn about you, this has got to be the biggest plot twist,” Holtz says. “Erin Gilbert, Ghost Girl, spent her days hanging around the cemetery?”

“Seems like the last place I would’ve wanted to be, right?”

They walk side by side through the cemetery.

“It was one of the few places I wouldn’t run into people from school,” Erin admits. “I could hide here. Plus, I…I wanted to find another ghost.”

“Would’ve thought you had your fill,” Holtz says.

“I thought if I could just find another one, I could prove that I wasn’t making the other one up. That it wasn’t just night terrors, or whatever the doctors wanted to call it. I thought here seemed like the most likely place. Abby and I used to hang out here in high school sometimes too.”

“You ever find anything?”

“No, never.”

“Bummer. Should’ve brought our gear with us.”

“I think we’ve done enough paranormal investigating for one night,” Erin says. “We are supposed to be on vacation, after all.”

Holtz chuckles.

The cemetery is fairly quiet, with a few scattered people and families.

“You know anyone here?”

“Buried here, you mean?” Erin nods. “My grandfather is here. And I think one of my cousins, but I don’t know where he is.”

“Show me?”

“My grandfather? Sure, if you want. I never met him.” Erin leads them through the headstones until she finds the plaque she’s looking for. “Here he is. He passed when my mom was young.”

Holtz tips her hat respectfully.

Erin pulls her away. “I’ll show you some of my favourites. Abby and I used to always make up lives for the people here, which is…maybe a little disrespectful. I don’t know. They were always nice stories.”

Erin tours Holtz through the graveyard, showing off her favourites. The headstone with the phrase  _ OH NO  _ printed on it. The massive beautiful stone angel atop the grave for  _ Our Beloved Dog Sparky _ . The pair of individuals sharing a grave who have the exact same name as each other.

“I have at least ten witty inscription options for my tombstone,” Holtz comments as they walk. “It’ll be dealer’s choice. They’re all listed in my will.”

“You have a will? I’m impressed. That’s very mature of you.”

“Of course. I need to know there are plans in place for my children after I’m gone,” Holtz says.

“Are they going to me?”

“They’re going to you,” Holtz confirms. “Of course they are. They love you.”

“And I love them,” Erin says. “Even Frederick.”

“He’ll stop biting you eventually. Probably.”

They come to a stop in front of their final headstone. “I thought this was thematically appropriate,” Erin says.

The grave is for a married couple named Mary and Joseph.

“That it is,” Holtz says.

Erin slips her hand into Holtz’s. They stand there quietly for a few moments. It’s lightly snowing, not enough to quite stick to the ground.

“Erin Gilbert?”

Erin drops Holtz’s hand and jumps away from her so fast, whirling around to see a woman walking towards them.

“Um, hi?” Erin takes another step away from Holtz.

The woman arrives at them. “I thought that was you. Caitlin McDonald? We went to school together?”

“Oh, um, yes. Hi,” Erin says, though the name only rings faint bells.

Caitlin glances at Holtz.

“This is, uh, my colleague,” Erin says, gesturing at her. “Hol—”

“Jillian Holtzmann,” Caitlin says, looking her over. “I know exactly who you are.”

Holtz lifts her hand in a wave. “Nice to meet you.”

Caitlin tears her gaze away and back onto Erin. “Are you in town for the holidays?”

Erin nods.

“Nice,” Caitlin says. “Your father’s running for mayor, right?”

“Um.” Erin swallows. “Yes.”

Caitlin’s mouth twitches. “That’s unfortunate.”

“It is?” Erin squeaks.

“My wife is running against him,” Caitlin says.

“Oh,” Erin gasps out, startled.

“May the best candidate win, I guess?” Caitlin shrugs. She backs away. “I gotta run, but it was nice to see you, Erin. And it was nice to meet you…Holtzmann.”

“Bye,” Erin says.

Caitlin turns and walks away.

“What was that?” Erin asks under her breath.

Holtz turns to her. “Do you know her?”

“Barely. I think we went to elementary school together, but…I don’t know. I tuned out the other kids. Whenever anyone tried to talk to me, I assumed they were messing with me and ignored them.”

“She seemed nice,” Holtz comments, watching Caitlin shrink into the distance. “And queer.”

“How did she know who you are?” Erin asks distractedly.

“Well, we are minor celebrities now. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty notorious in the queer community.” Movement catches Holtz’s eye in her peripherals. She slowly turns. “Speaking of notorious…”

Erin follows her gaze. “Hold on, is that—”

“Aubrey Plaza,” Holtz says, “in a graveyard. That seems normal.”

Aubrey Plaza approaches them. “Hey, we’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

“Aubrey Plaza,” Erin gushes. “It’s you. Again.”

She looks back and forth between them. “You guys here on business?”

“Off duty tonight,” Holtz says. “Just hanging out.”

“Cool. Well, if you ever have an opening on your team, I think I’d crush it.”

“You would make an amazing Ghostbuster, Aubrey Plaza,” Erin blurts.

“Come by our firehouse sometime,” Holtz says. “I’ll let you fire one of our proton guns.” She winks.

“In a controlled environment,” Erin says.

“I’ll even let a ghost out of containment for you,” Holtz says.

“No, no you will not,” Erin says.

Aubrey Plaza gives them a hint of a smile. “You guys are really cute together.”

“Wait, what?” Erin says. “Why would you—we’re not—we—why—I—what—”

Holtz glances at her. “You having a stroke?”

“I think so,” Erin says. She covers her face. “Sorry, this town just makes me so…on edge.”

“Sorry,” Aubrey Plaza cuts in. “I didn’t mean to—um. I just made an assumption based off…something…just ignore me.”

“It’s, um…” Erin looks at Holtz for a long moment. “Probably…an accurate…assumption.” She ducks her head, face burning.

“Oh,” Aubrey Plaza says. “Okay.”

“How…how did you know?” Erin asks.

“Uh…I don’t…know. I saw something.”

Erin swallows. “You…saw something?”

Aubrey Plaza waves her hand dismissively. “Yeah, just a stupid tabloid cover. That was months ago though. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw you together.”

“A tabloid cover?” Erin repeats, panicked. “The tabloids were speculating about us?”

“Nobody believes that stuff anyway,” Aubrey Plaza says. “I saw one once that claimed I’m a lab-grown clone.”

“Hey, me too!” Holtz exclaims. “Clone buddies!”

“Heyyy.”

Erin is hyperventilating. Holtz notices and rubs her arm comfortingly. “Hey. She’s right. Nobody believes anything in those things is true.”

“What if my parents saw it, Holtz? What if they saw it and they know?”

“Well, then they’ve been politely waiting for you to tell them on your own terms, which is very nice of them.”

“That doesn’t sound like my parents.”

“Or they’re pretending they never saw it.”

“ _ That _ sounds like my parents.” Erin groans. “Oh god.”

“ _ Or  _ they never saw it.”

“You really think my mother wouldn’t take notice if she was in a grocery store and saw a magazine with her daughter’s face on it? Really?”

“I think if she was in the habit of denying that her daughter was a ghostbuster in New York, she might.”

Erin groans again.

Aubrey Plaza steps back. “Uhhh…I’m gonna go. I feel like I just made everything worse.”

“You shut your mouth, Aubrey Plaza,” Holtz says. “You make everything better always.”

“Still. I’m gonna…” Aubrey Plaza nods her chin over her shoulder and backs up. “See you around.”

“Catch ya later,” Holtz says.

“Bye,” Erin says glumly.

Aubrey Plaza turns and walks away in the direction she came.

Holtz turns to Erin. “Don’t panic. We don’t know that they saw it, and if they did, they’re clearly not saying anything about it. You’ll still get to do this on your terms, when you’re ready.”

“But what if they  _ know? _ ” Something occurs to Erin. “Hey, wait!” she calls after Aubrey Plaza. “What did you mean when you said you didn’t believe it until you saw us together?”

Aubrey Plaza spins to face them and continues to walk backwards without breaking stride. “Just that you guys are obviously in love. No offense.”

They’re both silent as she disappears into the snow.

“Well, we’re screwed,” Erin says.

They’re walking through town.

“They’re going to be home soon,” Erin says with a sigh. “We need to get back to the house.”

“Orrr,” Holtz says. “We could avoid going back there for as long as possible and go do something fun instead. You wanna go get a drink?”

Erin thinks for a moment. “Actually? There’s something else I’d rather do.”

“Hello,” Erin says at the counter. “Two for Christmas free-skate, please.”

The guy behind the glass keys it into the computer. “Just so you know, we’re closing in half an hour.”

“I know,” Erin says. “It’s okay.”

Erin gets both her skates laced by the time Holtz gets one of hers on her foot.

She fumbles with the laces, trying to figure out how to get them tied. Erin smiles and comes to kneel in front of her.

“Is this a proposal?” Holtz asks.

Erin laughs lightly and reaches for the laces, taking them out of Holtz’s hands. “These need to be much tighter. You’ve got scrawny ankles.”

“You don’t have to tell  _ me  _ that,” Holtz says with a grin. She grabs the other skate and works on cramming her foot into it. By the time she has it on, Erin has laced the first one and is ready to lace the second.

“I skated a lot when I was younger,” Erin says before Holtz can ask.

“And I haven’t skated in a solid 25 years,” Holtz says cheerfully, “so this is bound to be fantastic.”

Holtz is shuffling along the ice gripping tightly onto a plastic reindeer while Erin skates circles around her.

“Come on, ditch the reindeer,” Erin teases. “I believe in you.”

“This is my friend,” Holtz says, offended. “Their name is Horatio.”

Erin smiles fondly. “Do you mind if I do a lap, then?”

“Please,” Holtz says. “I want to see you in your element.”

With that, Erin takes off. Holtz watches her pass people and zip around the rink, and lets out a loud whoop in support of her girlfriend. Erin looks back at her with a grin.

She ends up doing a few laps, then joins Holtz again, barely out of breath.

“Hello Olympics,” Holtz says.

Erin turns fluidly so she’s in front of Holtz and skating backwards. “Give me your hands.”

“What about Horatio?”

“They’ll be okay. Come on. I’ve got you.” Erin holds out her mittened hands.

“Alriiight. Horatio, it’s been real.” Holtz kisses her palm and pats the reindeer’s head, then takes Erin’s hands.

Erin continues to skate backwards, pulling Holtz along. “There you go!”

“This is a frigging work out,” Holtz says. “My legs are shaking.”

“You’re doing great,” Erin promises.

They make it halfway around the rink that way before Holtz’s skate gets caught in the ice and she takes a dive. She collides with Erin and they both go down.

“Oof,” Holtz says, rolling onto her back. “That’s gonna leave a mark.”

Erin has already gotten back up. “You okay?” She reaches down and helps heave Holtz to her feet carefully, catching her as she starts to slip again.

“I was not built for this,” Holtz announces. She grabs hold of the sideboard and leans on it. “I think my hip has a heartbeat.”

Erin tucks her arm through Holtz’s bent elbow and kisses her temple. “Is it in poor taste to say that we can ice it when you get home?”

Holtz snorts.

They get cups of hot chocolate from the concessions counter five minutes before they close, and walk outside with them. Erin subtly slips her hand in Holtz’s as they walk.

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve,” she comments, then takes a sip from her hot chocolate.

“Tis indeed.”

“My last chance to tell them.”

“It’s not your last chance,” Holtz assures her.

“It is if I want to wake up next to you on Christmas morning.”

“We can make that happen no matter what,” Holtz promises. “I’ll sneak up if I have to. Don’t stress about it. Alright?”

Erin chews on her lip and takes another sip of her hot chocolate.

Patty calls that night just before Holtz is about to go to bed.

“Hey, how’s the straight life treating you?”

“Splendidly,” Holtz says as she climbs into her bed. “I think I might give up the gay for good.”

Patty snorts.

“How’s everything there?” Holtz asks.

“Oh, fine. Business has been pretty slow. I’m looking forward to having the next few days off to chill with my family.”

Holtz hums.

Patty clears her throat. “So, I got thinking…what does this whole straight business mean for the plan?”

“The plan?” Holtz rolls over. “Well. The original plan was always to do it on New Years, back when I thought we’d be apart for Christmas. Then when we decided I was going home with her, I thought maybe I could do it on Christmas like I originally wanted. But with everything going on, I think sticking with New Years is the best bet.” She pauses. “It’s not worth it if she’s gonna be sad and stressed because she’s at home.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I feel you. Sorry, Holtzy.”

“It’s all good, Patty. It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen. Whenever that is.”

“Merry Christmas Eve,” Holtz sings in Erin’s face the next morning.

Erin blinks into the daylight and looks up at her girlfriend. “What are you doing here?”

Holtz flops down next to her in bed. “You slept in. I volunteered to come and rouse you.”

“How kind of you.”

Holtz stretches her face to kiss Erin’s forehead.

“You smell sweet,” Erin murmurs, eyes closed.

“There’s pancakes. I already had five.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost nine.”

Erin groans. “I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Shouldn’t have had that hot chocolate so late.”

“Well, lucky for me, because sleepy Erin is my favourite Erin.”

Erin smiles and brushes Holtz’s hair off her face. “And hopped-up-on-sugar Holtz is my favourite Holtz.”

“I put a crushed-up candy cane on my pancakes. Your mother was horrified.”

“I can only imagine. I’m surprised they even have candy canes in the house.”

“They don’t; I brought them from home.”

Erin yawns. “Can we stay right here all day?”

Holtz snuggles into her. “I’d love to. But Carol did say something about last-minute errands she needs us to run today.”

Erin sighs. “Of course she did.”

They end up spending most of the morning out running errands and doing last minute shopping for Erin’s mother. Then they stop by the Yateses house to drop off some presents from Abby that she sent with them. Abby’s parents give them both big hugs and tell Erin that it’s been far too long. They invite them in for a cup of tea, and they end up visiting for nearly an hour. Dr. Yates demands to know everything about how the Ghostbusters are doing and what they’ve been up to, and Mr. Yates brings them shortbread cookies.

Erin wishes out loud that they could spend the rest of the day there instead of going back to her own parents’ house. The Yateses tell them that they’re welcome back any time.

By the time they make it back to the Gilbert household, it’s lunchtime, and Carol isn’t pleased.

“Where have you been?” she asks, taking the bags from them.

“We stopped by the Yateses place to drop off some gifts,” Erin says.

Carol harrumphs. She busies herself unpacking the bags. Erin tries to help and gets swatted away.

“How is that Abigail Yates?” Carol asks. “I see Mrs. Yates around town sometimes.”

“It’s Dr. Yates, and you know that,” Erin grumbles under her breath. “Abby’s good.”

“Is she married?”

“No. No. Definitely not.”

“Well, she was always rather brash,” Carol says. “I’m not surprised she hasn’t found a husband.”

Erin bristles. “Abby’s not interested in that sort of thing. She doesn’t want to get married.”

“Everyone wants to get married.”

“No,” Erin says forcefully, sitting at the island next to Holtz. “Abby doesn’t want that. She’s happy as is.”

Carol scoffs. “She may say that she’s happy, but no woman her age is happy to be unwed.”

Erin grips the edge of the island, knuckles turning white. Holtz bumps their knees together under the counter.

“I’m Abby’s age, mother,” Erin snaps.

“I’m well aware, Erin, dear.” Carol shuts the fridge. “And I suppose there’s no use in asking if you’ve finally found a man, is there?”

Erin grits her teeth. “No. I haven’t found a man.”

“I don’t know how you expect to find one now,” Carol says. “You’re well past your prime. Obviously we’ve given up all hope of grandchildren—”

“I never wanted children,” Erin mutters.

“—but we can only pray that you manage to get married before we’re both in the grave. Honestly, Erin, are you even  _ trying? _ ”

Erin glares at her. “No, I’m not looking for anyone to date right now.”

“Erin, you are 45 years old. You don’t have the luxury of waiting around. For your entire adult life it’s been ‘I’m putting my education first,’ ‘I’m putting my career first,’ and now here you are with a wasted education and wasted career and you’re utterly alone.”

“I’m not  _ alone,”  _ Erin barks. “My education wasn’t a  _ waste _ . And I  _ have  _ a career.”

Edgar appears in the kitchen, drawn by the shouting.

“Have you been applying for jobs?” he asks.

She stares at him. “Why would I be applying for jobs?”

“There are other respectable universities in New York,” he says. “Or elsewhere in the country.”

“I don’t want to go back to teaching,” Erin says, getting more and more agitated by the second. “I love my job.”

“Your mother’s right,” Edgar says stiffly. “You spent years and thousands of dollars on your education, and you’re throwing it away.”

“If I may,” Holtz pipes up. “Erin is one of the most respected particle physicists in the world right now. And it’s true that she could easily get a job just about anywhere in the world if she wanted. We’re exceptionally lucky that she’s chosen to put her doctorate to use and grace us with her brilliant mind. She’s doing ground-breaking work and it’s a privilege to work alongside her.”

Neither of her parents respond.

“Edgar, we need more firewood,” Carol says, turning to the counter and opening a cabinet.

Erin sighs and tugs on Holtz’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go, Holtz.”

Holtz hops off her stool and follows her out of the kitchen.

“Too much?” Holtz asks in the hall. “I didn’t mean to cross a line.”

“You didn’t,” Erin assures her. “They just don’t want to hear it.”

“So, 45 and unwed, huh?” Holtz asks, clicking her tongue as they walk to the living room. “What a shame. Your life is basically over.”

“I know, right?”

“Someone should probably put a ring on it soon.”

“Probably,” Erin agrees, a hint of a smile playing at her lips.

“If only you weren’t so utterly alone,” Holtz says wistfully.

“If only,” Erin laments.

Erin and Holtz spend the rest of the day watching Christmas movies on TV with Alexandra, and by the time evening rolls around, Erin’s parents seem to have forgotten about the altercation in the kitchen—or they’re pretending it never happened.

Carol and Edgar join them in the living room.

“Edgar’s campaign advisor wants us to take a video of us singing a Christmas song to post on the campaign website,” Carol announces.

“You mean a Christmas  _ carol _ , Carol?” Holtz says, then winks at Erin, who hides a smile behind her hand.

Carol ignores her. “We’ll be singing _Have Yourself A Merry Christmas_ ,” she says. She hands out sheets of paper with the lyrics on them. “I will sing the first two lines: _Have yourself a merry little Christmas_ / _Let your heart be light_. Edgar will sing _From now on_ _our troubles will be out of sight_. Then Erin, you will sing _Have yourself a merry little Christmas_ / _Make the yuletide gay_.”

Erin’s head snaps up, eyes wide. “What? Why would—I don’t—why would I sing that?”

“Because it’s the next line in the song,” Holtz stage whispers.

Carol looks at her a moment longer, eyes narrowed, then continues. “Alexandra, you will sing  _ From now on our troubles will be miles away _ , and then we will sing the next two verses all together. Understood?”

“What do I sing?” Holtz asks.

“Nothing,” Carol says. “You will take the video.”

“Neato,” Holtz says.

“Mom, come on,” Erin says. “She should sing with us.”

“She is not part of the family, and voters will not know who she is,” Carol says. She hands Holtz a phone. “Do you know how to operate this?”

Holtz looks down at the iPhone, then up at Carol. “Is this a camcorder?”

“She knows how to work a smartphone, Mom,” Erin says dryly.

Carol looks Holtz up and down. “Well, you never know.”

She arranges the four of them in front of the massive Christmas tree.

“Jan, can you please turn off the TV?” Edgar asks.

Holtz scampers over to the couch to find the remote. Just as she’s about to turn around and hit the off button, a familiar voice comes from the TV.

“ _ Are you being pestered by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and yet to come? _ ”

Everyone in the room turns to face the TV. On the screen. Holtz herself is standing in front of the firehouse with a Santa hat on her head.

Patty appears on the screen beside her. “ _ Is your holiday season turning into a haunted nightmare? _ ”

Abby comes into frame on Holtz’s other side. “ _ This year, beat the holiday rush and call the Ghostbusters today. Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, our team of specialists are here to make sure you’re spook-free.” _

Erin joins the three of them.  _ “We’ll make sure the only spirit you have this season is  _ holiday _ spirit _ .”

“What the hell is this?” Edgar says loudly.

Holtz quickly turns off the TV as their phone number begins to flash on the screen.

Nobody says anything.

Edgar shouts again. “What  _ is  _ this, Erin?”

“It’s an ad,” Erin says as steadily as she can. “For my business.”

He whirls on her. “Where is this airing?”

“I don’t know, everywhere?” she gets out.

“Do you have  _ any  _ idea the damage this could do? What if a donor sees that? Or the  _ voters? _ This could cost me the election!”

“What?” Erin splutters. “It’s just an ad! It says nothing about you!”

“Take it down. Immediately. This is catastrophic.”

“I can’t take it down, and even if I could, I’m not going to!” Erin’s hands ball up into fists. “This is my job, Dad! It’s my livelihood! I’m not going to  _ not  _ advertise for my business for the sake of  _ your  _ political career.”

“Like hell you’re not,” he says. “Get on the phone. Right now.”

“No!” Erin shouts.

Holtz steps closer to her protectively.

“This is my  _ life!  _ I’m not going to hide parts of my life just to make  _ you  _ happy!”

“ _ Erin _ ,” Carol says sharply.

“I’m so done with this.” Erin pushes past all of them. “I can’t do this anymore.”

She runs from the room without another word.

Holtz shoves the remote and iPhone at Carol, then chases after her.

Erin bursts into Holtz’s room downstairs, eyes blurred with tears. Holtz is right behind her.

Erin turns, already shaking her head. “We have to get out of here. We need to pack. I can’t spend one more minute here.”

Holtz pulls her into a tight embrace, rubbing her back.

“I can’t do this,” Erin cries into Holtz’s chest.

“It’s okay,” Holtz murmurs.

“We’ll go find a hotel for the night,” Erin says, lifting her head to look at her. “I need to wake up next to you tomorrow morning, and  _ clearly  _ there’s no way that’s happening in this house. If they can’t even accept my career, they’re never going to accept anything else about me. I was kidding myself to ever think they could.”

Holtz thumbs away the tears on Erin’s cheeks. “Take a deep breath for me, okay?”

Erin inhales roughly.

“I love you,” Holtz says firmly. “And I’m sorry things are going the way they are. It’s okay. We’ll pack and get out of here. I bet the Yateses would let us crash with them too if we can’t find a hotel.”

Erin hiccups and nods. “Thank you,” she whispers.

“I love you,” Holtz repeats softly.

Erin leans down and kisses her, mouth salty with tears.

“Erin? Are— _ oh _ .”

The two of them spring apart.

Alexandra is standing at the open door, eyes wide, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Oh god,” Erin chokes out.

“Fuck,” Holtz says very quietly.

“I’m so sorry,” Alex says, taking a step back. “I’m—I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry!”

Erin is hyperventilating.

Alex holds her hands up. “I just came down to see if you were okay—I really didn’t mean to walk in like that, I—” She looks pained, her eyes fixed on Erin. “Look, I don’t know if…if  _ this  _ is…something new…” She gestures between them and bites her lip. “Or if you’ve been together this whole time…but, um…it’s okay? It’s okay.” She winces. “I don’t know what to say. God, I feel awful.”

Holtz lightly touches Erin’s lower back. Erin gulps down air, trying to get ahold of herself.

Alexandra shakes her head. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have found out like this—you should’ve been able to tell me on your terms when you wanted to.” She takes another step back. “Actually? Can we just—I’m going to pretend I never saw that. Okay? Not because I want to be like Mom and Dad and forget about everything uncomfortable, but because you deserve the chance to tell me in your own way when you want to. So I’m just going to…”

She turns around and walks back several paces, then turns back. “Erin!” she calls loudly. “I just came down to see if you’re okay. Mom and Dad are being assholes to you.” She steps into the room and shuts the door behind her. “And I wanted you to know that I’m here to support you because you’ll always be my little sister and I love you.” Her voice is thick, and cracks on the last words.

Erin’s eyes are filled with tears again, but her breathing has slowed. “Thank you,” she gets out in barely more than a whisper.

Alex’s face softens and she takes another step closer, then pulls Erin in for a hug. “I’m really sorry,” she says. After a beat, she adds, “about Mom and Dad and what just happened upstairs.”

Erin pulls back, lip wavering. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to…tell you something.” Erin’s voice shakes. She looks back at her girlfriend behind her. “Holtz is…not just my friend. Or my colleague. Or my roommate. She’s all of those things, but she’s also…my girlfriend. We’re dating.”

Alex pulls her back in for another tight hug. “Okay. I love you and I’m happy for you.”

Erin sniffles. “Really?”

“Of course.” Alex releases her and steps back. “I love you. And I really love Jan, too.”

“It’s…it’s actually Jillian,” Erin says.

Alexandra blinks a few times. “What?”

“Her name is Jillian. Not Janice.”

Alex’s eyes go to Holtz, who lifts her hand.

“I…I can’t believe this,” Alex says. “I feel so blindsided.  _ Jillian?  _ This is…going to take some processing.”

Holtz chuckles. “Most people call me Holtz.”

“Okay.” Alex nods. “I’m completely in shock at this information, but…okay. Holtz. I like that. Alright.” She smiles at her. “I like you, Holtz.” She looks back at Erin. “You seem really happy.”

A small laugh burbles from Erin’s lips. “Really?”

“Well.” Alex laughs lightly. “Maybe not at this precise moment. But in general, yes. You do.”

“I am,” Erin promises. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I love her.”

Alex reaches out to squeeze her arm. “How long have you—”

“Been bi?”

“I was going to ask how long you two have been dating,” Alex says with a smile. “I didn’t think that was any of my business to ask about and knew you’d tell me if you wanted.”

“Oh.” Erin laughs nervously. “Well. Um, we’ve been dating for over a year.”

“Oh wow.”

“And…I…I’ve known I was bisexual for most of my life. For sure since high school, but even before then I had some idea.” Erin glances at Holtz. “I kind of kept it inside until I met this one, though. Then I couldn’t really deny it any longer. And she gave me a pretty good reason not to.”

Alex looks broken. “Thirty years? You’ve been carrying this around on your shoulders for thirty  _ years  _ and felt like you couldn’t tell anyone? Oh Erin. I’m so sorry. I guess I hoped it was a more recent realization so I wouldn’t feel like such a terrible sister.”

Erin shakes her head. “It’s not your fault. I just…wasn’t ready.”

“Well, I…I’m really proud of you. And I’m so happy that you’re happy now.” Alexandra hesitates. “This…really isn’t my business either, but…are you going to tell Mom and Dad?” In a rush, she adds, “I understand if you aren’t planning on it. I’ll be in your corner either way.”

Erin lowers her head and bites her lip. “I…I was going to. While I was here. But…I don’t think I can now.”

Alex nods solemnly.

Erin peeks up at her. “How…how do you think they would react? If I did?”

Alex pauses, expression apologetic. “You know them as well as I do.”

“Yeah.” Erin hangs her head again. “Yeah.”

“They could surprise us. Maybe with time…” Alex sighs. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. I am too.”

“Are you going home early?”

Erin doesn’t answer. Holtz comes up beside her and wraps an arm around her waist. “Yeah, I think Erin wants to go get a hotel for the night instead of staying here.”

Alex’s face falls. “I was really looking forward to spending Christmas with you—especially now that I know what’s going on—but I get it.”

“You know what? No,” Erin says. “No. We’re not going anywhere.” She inhales deeply. “Screw this. I’m telling them. Now. Tonight.”

Holtz’s grip tightens on her waist. “Erin…”

“No, I’m sure about this. I meant what I said upstairs. I’m  _ sick  _ of hiding my life and lying for them all for the sake of appearances and Dad’s stupid political career. I need to tell them. And if it goes badly, then we’ll get out of here. At least I’ll know.”

They’re all quiet for a moment.

“Okay,” Alex says. “I’ve got your back.”

“Me too,” Holtz confirms.

Erin rolls back her shoulders. “Then let’s do this. I’m going to come out to my parents.”

She takes a deep breath and starts walking to the door. Alex and Holtz fall into step behind her.

“So, just to be clear,” Alex says, “there’s no dead husband named Edward Cullen, is there?”

“There is not,” Holtz says.

“I kinda figured,” Alex says. “Pretty much around the time when you said he died in a blimping accident.”

“Probably should’ve gone with something a little more believable.”

“There’s only 25 blimps in existence in the world nowadays,” Erin says without turning as she climbs the stairs.

Holtz and Alex exchange a glance.

“I don’t know how you know that, but I love it,” Holtz says.

Erin’s father is pacing the living room, and her mother is sitting stiffly on the couch.

“Finally,” Carol says as they enter the room. “Always so dramatic, Erin.”

“I’m dramatic?” Erin asks. “Who was it that just flipped out over a stupid ad on TV?”

Edgar glares at her. “This isn’t a game, Erin.”

“You’re right. It’s not. It’s my life.”

“It’s  _ my  _ career.”

Erin takes a deep breath to steady herself. “Are you implying that your career is more important than my life?”

Edgar doesn’t respond, just crosses his arms.

“Don’t make a scene, Erin,” Carol barks. “Let’s get back to filming this song.”

“No.” Erin lifts her chin. “No, I’m  _ going  _ to make a scene. I’m not going to let you push me down or shut me up anymore. I’m your daughter, and I’m a  _ person _ , and I’m so sick having to hide myself away and  _ lie  _ for you and pretend I’m someone I’m not just to make you comfortable.”

“Enough, Erin, we have a guest,” Carol says forcefully. “I’m sure you don’t want to make a scene in front of your friend.”

Erin looks to her side at Holtz, holding her calm, encouraging gaze for several seconds.

“Actually,” Erin says, “I’ve already put her through enough uncomfortable situations this week, and I’m done. The only people I don’t care about making uncomfortable anymore are you two. Mom, Dad—Holtz is my girlfriend. We’re a couple, and we’ve been dating for over a year. I’m bisexual.”

It’s silent. Carol and Edgar stare back at her with horrified expressions.

Erin’s hands are balled at her sides. Holtz subtly touches the outer edge of her wrist, and her touch is enough to ground Erin and remind her that she’s not alone.

Carol speaks first. “What is this? Some sort of midlife crisis?”

“No,” Erin says. “It’s not a  _ midlife crisis _ , Mom. I’ve known I liked women for nearly my entire life.”

“You’re a lesbian.”

“I’m  _ bisexual _ ,” Erin repeats loudly. “And I always have been.”

“If this is you trying to act out—”

“I’m not a  _ teenager  _ dating someone I know my parents won’t approve of just to piss you off,” Erin says, starting to feel very hot across her chest. “I’m  _ 45  _ years old and I’m in  _ love  _ with this woman standing beside me, and I couldn’t care  _ less  _ what you think of her or the fact that I’m dating her. I am happier than I’ve ever been in my  _ life  _ with her.” She reaches out and takes Holtz’s hand firmly in hers.

“What do you expect us to say to that?” Carol bites.

“I want you to say that you’re  _ happy  _ that I’ve found love,” Erin says. “But you would never say that, would you? Because all your harping about me getting married isn’t about me, is it? You don’t actually want me to be happy. You just want me to be a more acceptable daughter than I am. All you care about are appearances and Dad’s stupid political career.”

Edgar looks to be shaking. “Don’t you dare,” he says angrily. “Do you have any idea what would happen if this got out?”

“I don’t care,” Erin replies. “This isn’t  _ about  _ you. This is  _ my  _ life. This is who I am. I’m not going to suffer and hide myself away in shame for you. All my life I’ve let you try to force me to be the daughter you want, but I’m not going to do that anymore. Your daughter saw a goddamn ghost in her room every night for a year. Your daughter got fired from Columbia and now works as a respected paranormal researcher. Your daughter is never going to marry a man, because I already know that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with Holtz.”

Holtz squeezes her hand.

“I’ve spent my entire life being miserable just to try and earn your love,” Erin says shakily. “Not anymore. This is the daughter you have. This is me. And I’m happy now.”

Alexandra steps up beside her. “I’ve already told you this, but you are the best sister I could ever ask for and I’ll always love you exactly as you are.”

Erin smiles meekly at her.

Edgar is very red in the face. “If the voters find out about this, it will cost me the election, Erin. You needed to keep this to yourself.”

“I don’t have to do anything for you.”

“With all due respect—which is very little,” Holtz says, “any voter that you’re going to lose if they find out you have a bisexual daughter isn’t a vote you should be chasing to begin with.”

He glares at her. “Don’t tell me about politics.”

“This isn’t politics,” she says. “This is your daughter.”

“No, Holtz, my father has made it pretty clear where his priorities lay,” Erin says. She holds her dad’s gaze. “If you care so much about your voters, you can have  _ them  _ over for Christmas next year. I’ll be in New York with the love of my life. Because I’m telling you right now that I’m not coming back here and putting myself through this again.”

Carol stands. “Now you’re threatening us?”

“Not threatening. Promising myself that I’m going to put my own happiness first. I’m not going to surround myself with people who don’t love me. I’m not going to listen to you guys cover up everything about my life to turn me into something more acceptable. If you’re going to pretend I never told you that I’m dating Holtz, or you’re going to pretend that I still work at Columbia, or you’re going to come up with a million other lies that are convenient for you, then I’m not going to be around to watch. You can spend holidays with the fictional daughter you’ve created, because your real one will be far away from you.”

Erin turns to Holtz.

“We’re going to bed,” she announces, “and Holtz is going to be moving up to my room tonight, because we are grown women in a relationship and we’re going to stay in the same room like a normal couple.  _ Goodnight _ .” She turns her back on her parents and pulls Holtz from the room, then looks over her shoulder. “Oh, and by the way, her name isn’t  _ Janice _ , she just went along with that instead of correcting you because she’s a good freaking person.”

With that, she leaves them behind.

They barely have made it inside Erin’s bedroom when she collapses onto her bed and bursts into tears.

Holtz sits beside her and immediately wraps her arms around her, holding her tight.

“I love you and I’m proud of you,” she keeps repeating over and over like a mantra.

They don’t debrief. Holtz just continues to comfort Erin while she cries until she ends up falling asleep.

Holtz sneaks downstairs to go fetch her stuff from the basement. On her way back upstairs, she runs into Edgar. They stare at each other in the hallway for a moment, and then she moves around him without saying a word.

Erin isn’t usually a very cuddly sleeper, but she clings to Holtz for most of the night. They wake up in each other’s arms. The sun hasn’t risen yet.

Erin feels hollow, like all the crying emptied her out entirely, but Holtz’s warmth surrounds her and makes her still feel whole.

“Merry Christmas,” Erin whispers, voice hoarse.

“Merry Christmas,” Holtz echoes, burying her face into Erin’s chest and pulling her closer.

“This is all I wanted.”

“I know.”

They lie there quietly for several minutes, waking up.

“Are you okay?” Holtz asks quietly.

“Honestly?” Erin inhales. “I think so. I feel lighter, like a weight’s been lifted. And it went…pretty much exactly how I thought it would. They reacted pretty predictably. It could have been a lot worse, right? I mean, they didn’t tell me to go away and never come back, or that I was, I don’t know, going to hell or whatever. They’re just going to dismiss it in any way they can. Which they’ve been doing my entire life about pretty much everything, so I’m used to it.”

“Hey,” Holtz says gently, “you don’t have to do that. You don’t have to play the ‘it could’ve been worse’ game. The bar shouldn’t be that low. You’re allowed to want a better reaction, and you’re allowed to be upset.”

Erin swallows. “Thanks, Holtz.”

“Listen, I’m a reckless optimist—if you show me a glass, I’ll tell you that it’s entirely full, half with liquid and half with gaseous matter because that’s how the world works—but even I don’t think you need to shine this penny. It’s okay.”

“I mean, if you go down the particle level, the whole point of gas is that there’s empty space between them,” Erin points out.

“‘Full’ is a state of mind.”

Erin laughs softly.

“Anyway,” Holtz continues, “my point is that you’re allowed to say ‘this is shitty’ if that’s how you feel.”

Erin snuggles into her. “Thank you,” she whispers. “This…it  _ is  _ shitty.”

“Yes.”

“But I still feel…relieved. I’m glad I did it.” Erin lifts her head to gaze at Holtz. “And most of all, I’m glad you’re here. I can’t believe you would willingly put yourself through this for me, but I’m  _ really  _ grateful that you insisted on coming. I can’t imagine doing this without you. I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you.”

“Erin. You’re my person. This is part of the deal.” Holtz stretches to kiss Erin’s cheek. “No matter what you’re facing, I’m gonna be there at your side, making things weird and cracking jokes and loving the shit outta you.”

Erin pushes herself up so she’s sitting, eyes suddenly teary again. “And I want to do the same for you. Except minus the making things weird because I don’t know how to do that. I know how to make things uncomfortable?”

“Even better.”

“I love you so much.” Erin reaches down to smooth back Holtz’s exceptionally messy hair. “I…I meant what I said to my parents yesterday. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Saving your afterlife for someone else though, I can respect that.”

Erin bursts out laughing. “No  _ way  _ you’re getting rid of me then either.” Her smile softens and her expression turns nervous. “I know we…we joke around a lot about this, but…I…” She fiddles with her hands, inhaling. “Will you…do you…I…”

Holtz smiles up at her.

Erin groans. “Why is it harder to get these words out than it was to come out yesterday?”

“You need a hand?”

Before Erin can answer, Holtz rolls away from her and right over the edge of the bed, landing with a thud. She army crawls over to her suitcase and rummages for a split second, then pops up and throws herself back at the bed, causing Erin to bounce when her weight hits it. She buries herself back under the covers, this time sitting up, and then as the final delicate note of this performance, gently sets a small wooden box atop the bedspread on Erin’s lap.

Erin stares down at it. Holtz scoots closer to her and leans her head on her shoulder.

Erin gingerly picks up the box, shoots Holtz a look, and then slowly opens it.

She lets out a soft gasp.

“Oh my gosh. It…it’s so beautiful, Holtz.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you make this?”

“Mhm hmm. Patty designed it. And Abby supervised the operation—by that I mean she pointed out every single flaw along the way to make sure it turned out perfect.”

“It  _ is  _ perfect.” Erin’s eyes are wet. “It’s so perfect.” She turns her head to give Holtz a long kiss, morning breath and all. Then she rests her forehead against Holtz’s, holding the side of her face. “Can we get married?”

“I don’t know,  _ can  _ we?”

Erin lets out a little giggle.

“There is literally nothing in this world I want to do more than marry you,” Holtz says before Erin can develop any doubt about her response.

“Same,” Erin says. She kisses Holtz again, then pulls back and looks down at the ring again. She carefully slides it onto her finger. “It fits perfectly.”

Holtz scoffs. “Of course it does. You think I didn’t measure your ring size while you were sleeping on at least ten occasions, at various times of day, in different weather conditions, and in different seasons to make sure I accounted for fluctuations, swelling, and your sweaty palms? What do you take me for, an amateur jeweler?”

“I do  _ not  _ have sweaty palms,” Erin protests.

“You do.” Holtz grabs Erin’s hand, lifts it up, and sticks the tip of her tongue to her palm.

Erin yanks her hand away. “ _ Ew _ .”

“Yep, sweaty, just as I predicted,” Holtz announces. “You taste like proposal anxiety.”

“You are  _ so  _ gross,” Erin shakes her head. “And I love you so much.”

Holtz launches herself at her with a tackle hug, peppering her with kisses. Erin squeals and laughs.

Despite Erin’s desire to stay holed up in her room with Holtz the rest of the day, she knows she can’t put off facing her parents forever.

“It won’t be too bad, right?” Erin asks out loud, more to herself than to Holtz. “I mean…I’m pretty sure they’re just going to pretend that last night never happened.”

“Do you want that?”

“No,” Erin says with a sigh. “But I also don’t want to ruin Christmas when I’ve had such a good morning.”

“Just remember that they have no power to ruin Christmas,” Holtz says. “Christmas is only ruined when you decide it’s ruined.”

“That’s somehow strangely comforting,” Erin says. She lifts her chin. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

Alexandra lights up when she sees them downstairs.

“Merry Christmas!”

They both echo it back to her as they join her on the couch.

Carol is sitting in an armchair in the corner, and she wishes them a Merry Christmas as well, though it’s a little forced sounding.

“Well, we can finally begin,” she says. “You certainly took your time coming downstairs. We have been waiting for several hours.”

Erin ignores the dig. “Where’s Dad?”

There’s a fraction of a pause. “He won’t be coming down,” Carol says.

Erin stares at her. Alex touches her arm.

“He’s not coming down? But it’s Christmas…”

“Yes, well, what did you expect to come out of your little—” Carol breaks off, frowning, and waves her hand. “This isn’t the time. We’ll discuss this later. We can still have a normal Christmas.”

“No,” Erin says loudly. “This isn’t a normal Christmas—a Christmas morning where Dad won’t come downstairs because I dared to tell you that I’m in love with a woman? You think that’s normal?”

“We’ll discuss this later,” Carol repeats, voice testy.

“No, we’re discussing this now,” Erin says. “You’re not allowed to make it seem like it’s my fault that Dad isn’t down here, when he’s made it very clear that he cares more about his career than me and that’s why he’s so upset.”

“Erin, enough.”

“Well I meant every word I said yesterday.” Erin balls her hands up. “I’m not going to let you do that to me anymore. If you can’t accept my life the way it is, then you don’t get to be in it anymore, and this is the last Christmas we’re spending together.”

“Really, Erin,” Carol says angrily, “you’re going to throw away your  _ family  _ for the sake of whatever  _ this _ nonsense is?” She gestures at the two of them.

Erin’s eyes narrow. “I have plenty of family.  _ Alex  _ accepts me, and I’ve got a family back in New York. I’m not throwing my family away. I’m giving you a chance to continue to be in my life, and you’re choosing to push me away.” She looks at Holtz. “And  _ this? This  _ is the woman I’m in love with.  _ This _ is the best relationship of my life.  _ This  _ is the most important thing to me, and it’s not going anywhere. So yeah, if it has to be a choice? I’m choosing  _ this  _ over two parents who care more about themselves than about me being happy. In fact, I already chose. We got engaged this morning. We’re getting married.”

Alexandra gasps. “Oh my gosh! Are you serious!” She throws her arms around Erin. “I’m so happy for you guys!”

Carol stares on in horror.

Alex gets up to hug Holtz as well, then plunks back down next to Erin to admire and gush about the ring.

Carol gets up and leaves the room without saying another word.

Holtz wraps an arm around Erin’s waist.

“It’s fine,” Erin says. “I mean, it’s not, but I’m okay. Let them hide upstairs.”

Alex offers a reassuring smile and then demands to hear the whole proposal story.

It’s nearly half an hour later when Carol returns from upstairs, this time joined by Edgar.

The three of them have been talking, Alex asking a thousand questions to get to know Holtz better, but they all fall silent as Carol and Edgar walk into the living room.

“If you’re not here to apologize to Erin and Holtz, you should turn around and go right back upstairs,” Alex says.

“Alexandra,” Carol chastises.

Edgar huffs. “Erin, this election is very important to me.”

Erin rolls her eyes.

“And I do not appreciate you delegitimizing it or implying that I’m wrong for caring about it.”

“You’re not wrong for caring about it. You’re wrong for caring about it more than your own daughter,” Erin says. “But whatever, I can’t force you to love me.”

“Of course I love you,” Edgar snaps. “You’re being unfair. Throwing something like this at us without any regard for how it will affect us—”

“It’s not about you,” Erin says calmly. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“It’s Erin’s life, Dad,” Alex cuts in. “You can’t make it about you.”

His face is turning red, but he crosses his arms and exhales. “I’m done fighting about this. Let’s just have our Christmas morning and discuss this another day.”

Erin is sick of the perpetual sweeping under the rug, but she’s also tired, so she nods.

The gift exchange is a tense and quiet affair, but that’s not too far off from the typical Gilbert Christmas.

Carol presents Erin with a card.

“I enrolled you in a singles cooking class,” she says, looking in the other direction. “You’re horrendous in the kitchen, and I thought it would be a good place for you to meet a man.”

Erin’s mouth falls open. She turns her head to Holtz. “Why did I even bother?”

Carol’s eyes snap to her, looking annoyed. “Clearly that is not of interest to you anymore.” She clears her throat. “Perhaps I could purchase another registration for…” Her eyes go to Holtz.

“Jillian.”

“Jillian,” Carol repeats. “And the two of you could go…together.”

“I’m not taking my  _ fiancée  _ to a singles cooking class. Are you kidding me?”

“I would obviously transfer you to a…couples’ class,” Carol says, voice stilted like it’s hard for her to get the words out. “If that is…allowed.”

“Yes, mother, it’s the 21 st century. They let non-straight couples into public places. I know, I was as shocked as you are.”

Carol glares at her. “I  _ meant  _ that I wasn’t sure if they would allow me to transfer your registration, but thank you for the attitude. I don’t have to do this, you know.”

Erin shrinks back as it catches up to her what is happening.

Her mother is trying.

Very clumsily. With plenty of classic Carol Gilbert jabs along the way. And complaining the whole time.

But she’s trying.

Erin’s expression softens.

“Thanks, Mom,” she whispers. “If they allow that, that would actually be really nice. Um, Holtz is…just as bad as I am in the kitchen.”

“Hey, no I’m not,” Holtz teases.

“I’ve seen you put Pringles in the toaster before, Holtz.”

“And?”

Erin gives her a look. Holtz grins and turns back to Carol.

“Cooking lessons would be kickass,” she says. “Thanks, Care-Care.”

“Don’t call her that,” Erin says under her breath. Holtz winks.

The rest of the day is still tense, but by dinner, things are a bit lighter. Conversation flows at the dinner table. They don’t talk about anything that happened, or about Edgar’s campaign.

After dinner, Holtz and Erin retire upstairs to pack. They’re leaving in the morning.

“I’ve never been so ready to go back home,” Erin says as she folds clothes.

“Sorry today didn’t go better.”

Erin sighs. “It wasn’t ideal. But…” She looks down at her hand. “I think this was still one of the best Christmases of my life. Usually it’s…all that…and nothing to counteract it. But this morning was so amazing, and you being here…yeah. I’m happy.”

Holtz comes over and throws her arms over her shoulders. “Next Christmas will be even better.”

“It will,” Erin agrees. “And every other Christmas after that. We have a whole lifetime of Christmases ahead of us, each better than the last.”

“Man, Christmas when we’re like a hundred years old is gonna be  _ rockin’  _ then.”

Erin laughs.

The next morning, they’re standing at the door saying their goodbyes.

Alexandra hugs them both tightly.

“Goodbye, Erin,” Carol says. “Thank you for coming. Jillian, it was…nice to meet you.”

Holtz salutes. “You too.”

Edgar nods stiffly. “Safe travels back.”

“Thanks,” Erin replies.

Then they get to leave.

No sooner have they set foot inside the firehouse when both of them are tackled by Abby and Patty, who are a tangle of excitement and joy as they too demand to know how the proposal went down.

Erin tells them the story and expresses her utter amazement at how beautiful the ring is and how good of a job they did. She tells Patty that if she ever gets bored as a Ghostbuster, she could make a great living designing engagement rings.

“So? How was Christmas with Erin’s family?” Patty asks.

Holtz shrugs. “It wasn’t too bad for me. But it wasn’t really about me.”

Erin smiles weakly. “It was what it was.”

Patty offers a sympathetic smile. Abby shakes her head.

“Want me to have my parents leave some flaming dog poop on their doorstep? They totally would.”

Everyone laughs.

“No, not yet,” Erin says. “I’m going to give them some space and time first.”

“Just say the word.”

Holtz leans into Erin’s side. “So uh, I think we’re gonna take a few extra vacation days. To recover and, y’know,  _ celebrate _ .” She winks.

Patty snorts. “Sure, baby. You do that.”

Erin smiles. “We’ll see you guys for New Years?”

“Or if there’s a Class IV or higher,” Abby warns.

“Fine, fine,” Holtz says.

Erin nods. “That’s fair.”

“Now shoo, lovebirds,” Patty says.

“Overall,” Erin says that evening as they’re curled up on the couch in her apartment together, “this has been one of the happiest Christmas seasons of my life. The relief of coming out…reaffirming my relationship with Alex…waking up next to you on Christmas morning…getting engaged…meeting Aubrey Plaza…”

“Yes, we mustn’t forget about Aubrey Plaza,” Holtz agrees.

Erin lifts her wine glass. “To Aubrey Plaza, and you, and the true meaning of happiness.”

“To happiness!” Holtz echoes.

**_ONE YEAR LATER_ **

Erin bounces in place, trying to keep warm.

Carol appears beside her, rubbing her own arms. “It certainly is cold. I’m not quite sure I understand this decision.”

“It wasn’t my first choice, but it’s what she wanted,” Erin says, smiling across the roof.

Carol follows her gaze. “Do I dare ask if she’s planning on wearing the Santa hat through the ceremony?”

“She most definitely is,” Erin says with a light laugh. “That’s what you get when you marry your Christmas-obsessed partner on Christmas Eve.”

“Well, she looks happy,” Carol allows.

Holtz catches Erin’s eye and grins. Erin waves.

“She does. She is.”

“She is…certainly something.” Carol shifts in place. “I can’t say I always understand her, but she is good for you.”

Erin tears her gaze away from her wife-to-be and onto her mother instead. “She really is.”

“I know I haven’t always expressed it, but I…I am proud of you, and pleased that you have found happiness.”

Even though Carol isn’t really a hugger, Erin throws her arms around her. “Thanks, Mom.”

It was a long, slow journey for Carol, but she came around. Things still aren’t perfect, but they’re getting better day by day, and she continues to try her hardest. For the first time in Erin’s life, she finally feels like she’s building a relationship with her mother. A year ago she never thought she’d even be able to talk openly about her relationship with Holtz, so the thought of her ever coming to the wedding seemed like an almost laughable concept.

But after six months of semi-regular phone conversations that were awkward but marginally better each time, they had mailed an invitation anyway. And to their complete surprise, Carol had slowly started to become more and more involved in the wedding planning over the following months. Erin had expected that to be a complete nightmare, but it wasn’t. It felt like her mom was genuinely making an effort to be a part of her life.

And now she’s here, standing beside her. Hugging her back. On her wedding day.

Across the roof, Patty exhales into the frosty air.

“Yo, Holtzy, can we get this thing started? It’s  _ freezing _ . What morons get married on a rooftop in late December?”

Holtz grins. “Go stand next to one of the heaters.”

“Oh, I will. Patty’s not interested in losing any toes to frostbite tonight.”

Holtz cocks her head. “You didn’t hear? That’s a whole thing. Whoever loses a toe is the next to get married.”

“You’re lucky I love you so much,” Patty warns, backing towards one of the massive patio heaters.

Abby throws an arm around Holtz. “She’s right, though. We should probably get this show on the road. Kevin’s teeth are chattering.”

“I did tell him to wear a scarf.”

“I don’t think he knows what that is.”

“Hmm.” Snow is beginning to fall around them, melting before it hits the ground. Holtz rubs her hands together. “Let’s do this thing, then.”

Back under the small tent that Erin is huddled under, Edgar taps her on her shoulder.

“I think it’s time,” he says.

A smile spreads on her face.

Even more surprising than her mother’s involvement in the wedding was the phone call she received from her father where he somewhat gruffly asked if he was allowed to walk her down the aisle.

At first she had been too stunned to respond, and he misinterpreted her silence as a no, and started talking about how she would always be his daughter and he had always hoped that he would get to walk her down the aisle one day. It was then that she realized the gruffness in his voice was him trying to cover up the emotion in it.

She told him she would love it if he’d walk her down the aisle.

Now, he nods at her. “You look very beautiful, Erin,” he says, voice thick.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“I regret that I ever made you feel like you and Alex aren’t the most important things to me,” he says. “You’re my daughter, and I love you.”

Erin blinks back tears. “I know, Dad. I love you too.”

Abby joins them in the tent, Alex beside her.

“Okay Mr. Mayor, Erin,” Abby says, “we ready to go?”

Erin glances up at her father. “We’re ready.”

Carol pats her on the shoulder then goes to take her seat up at the front.

Abby and Alex walk up the aisle one after the other to the sound of the string quartet performing  _ Carol of the Bells. _

Edgar grips Erin’s arm tightly and they begin walking. Past the hundreds of twinkling Christmas lights covering the firehouse roof. Past the small gathering of friends and family lining the aisle. Past Aubrey Plaza, who gives her a modest smile and thumbs-up as she passes.

All the way to the front, where Edgar leaves her with Holtz, who’s standing in the same spot where she likes to people-watch during the holiday season. As there always is, there’s a small crowd down on the street below, taking in this year’s display of lights with no idea that there’s a wedding happening atop the firehouse.

Erin reaches up to adjust the bobble on Holtz’s Santa hat, then takes her cold hands.

“Merry Christmas, Holtz,” she breaths, the words crystalizing in the air between them.

Holtz smiles, her cheeks rosy, as the snow falls lightly around them. “Merry Christmas, Erin.”

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and may your season be happy! 
> 
> [Yes, I've transferred my love of Ghostbusters into Lego, don't come for me](https://lego-stbustinggirls.tumblr.com/)


End file.
